Your Plan is Dumb
by Lord Mendasuit
Summary: In which Kushina remembers what her character traits before being 'Minato's Wife' took over her characterization, tells Minato his plan is Le Dumb and goes with her original idea, and everyone's all the happier for it.


She was a tomboy. Always had been.

She used to get into fights with boys when they made fun of her hair, and even built up a reputation as someone you seriously did not want to fuck with. She'd already lost quite a bit of credibility that time she got kidnapped by Kumo ninja and had to be saved by the most flaky and girly of Konoha's shinobi. That was a serious hit to her reputation, if she did say so herself.

When she looked back... she frowned to herself.

She'd become a housewife, and she couldn't believe it.

How had she gone from an active duty kunoichi to... just Minato's wife?

She used to be active, to go on missions, she had a reputation, she had a bingo book entry, she had an epitaph...

But none of that had mattered ever since she'd gotten together with Minato, had it?

After she'd become his official girlfriend it seemed like everything that had made her... her, had just vanished. She was no longer wearing the pants in their relationship, bossing Minato around and making it perfectly clear that she was a strong and independant woman...

She was a blushing idiot who went along with whatever her husband told her.

And worst of all...

She'd retired from active duty entirely!

That was unforgivable. Even before she'd become pregnant... she'd tossed away a decade of training like it had been nothing and had traded her jounin jacket for an apron, and her kunai for a frying pan. Instead of being on the field destroying Konoha's enemies, she was on her kitchen's window, praying for her husband's safe return. Instead of being a strong, powerful force that Konoha employed... she was just the source of food for their leader.

She had... she had gone from being Uzumaki Kushina, strong, powerful kunoichi many aspired to be and looked up to...

To just being Namikaze Kushina, civilian housewife to the Hokage.

Well, fuck that noise.

Fuck it to hell.

She was Uzumaki Kushina. She wasn't some dumbass blushing bride in distress. She could defend herself, she could make her own choices, and if her husband didn't like it, then he could shove his protests right up his ass until they poked the back of his throat! She was a Kunoichi of Konoha, and she would do what was best for the village. She was Namikaze Minato's wife, and she would do what was best for her husband. She was Uzumaki Kushina, mother of a little baby boy named Naruto, who would do what was best for the village.

She was NOT some little girl who would do what her husband told her without question! To do so would betray everything she'd ever stood for when she confronted the sexist idiots who implied that kunoichi shouldn't be allowed to learn anything but seduction arts!

Determination stoked, Kushina frowned.

"Minato, I love you, but your plan is stupid, and you're stupid, and I'm not doing it," she said, simply.

"But- It's the only way you'll get to see Naruto grow up," Minato protested.

"And you're supposed to be a genius," she said, shaking her head. "To start with, you're Hokage. You're incredibly more valuable to the village than a Jinchuuriki is. Because you do a LOT more for it than just fight. Not to mention, your sudden death would throw the entire village into a panic and the scramble to put the hat on someone would probably present an open opportunity for someone to step in and open us a new asshole, which they will then proceed to rape," she explained calmly and slowly. "Either way, if you die, we're royally fucked."

"Er, yes, but- the power balance-"

"Minato... You blew the power balance to smithereens when you completed the Nidaime's Hiraishin and slaughtered an army on your own. You're powerful NOW while a Jinchuuriki will only start to be useful in ten to twenty years, and even then, that is IF Naruto can use the Kyuubi's chakra which is NOT a given, because Kurama is kind of a giant asshole. So, from that perspective, your plan is still fucking dumb and you should be ashamed that you thought it up."

"B-B-But, if I don't do this, you won't ever see Naruto grow up! He won't know his mother!" Minato countered.

"That's stupid, too. Yes, I won't see Naruto grow up, but I'd rather he grow up happy without me there to see it than he grow unhappy with me there to see him be miserable, you bonehead! There's also the issue of the masked man lurking around, which YOU know about but everyone doesn't, and more importantly, whom you've tagged with a Hiraishin seal you can track to find him any time you want and murder him at your leisure. A man who would no doubt COME AFTER NARUTO WHO WOULD BE DEFENSELESS AGAINST HIM YOU DUMB FUCK!" she yelled, slapping him upside the head. "And that's not even getting into Konoha's reaction. Do you seriously think people will see Naruto as a hero after the Kyuubi's done wrecking the village?"

"... Yes?" Minato asked, more than he told.

"I married the dumbest man alive," Kushina said, rubbing the bridge of her nose. "Fortunately for you, you're handsome. Look, the point is, your plan is stupid, you're stupid, and I'm not going to listen to you because listening to you is what got us into this damn mess in the first place. So I'm going with my plan."

And she did.

Minato later defeated Obito, Obito decided that maybe Minato was right since he wasn't completely psychotic and unredeemable yet, plus Black Zetsu spilled the beans on Madara's plans while trying to rile Obito up, and together they murdered Black Zetsu, stopping Kaguya's revival before it could ever happen, and everyone lived happily ever after.

Except for Danzo.

But let's face it.

Nobody gives a shit about Danzo.


End file.
